A Certain Ten Year Anniversary Celebration
by Sargent Crash
Summary: The whole cast of ToAru characters gather in Academy City to celebrate Ten long years. From past to new, everyone has their own little adventure during this celebration. But something is amiss. Where is Kamijou Touma? ALL THE CHARACTERS will make some sort of appearance. May do pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome All to A Certain Ten Year Anniversary Celebration! This is really just my way of celebrating ten great years of a great series and colorful universe. This prologue is pretty much how I'm going to write the rest of the story so don't expect some big plot. Just character interactions with some other humorous thing inside. I also may do pairings due to the large cast. But for now Idk. Lets see how this first chapter fairs. **

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Our prologue begins in a dark room with a large round table. A small light turns on, revealing Tsuchimikado Motoharu with his signature sunglasses and Hawaiian shirt sitting in a chair.

"So, shall we begin?"

Another small turned on, revealing a blue-haired teen with ear piercings, "Ah, so that time has come huh?"

Again a light turned on. "This Misaka expects you have something fiendish planned right?" a girl with a chestnut brown hair and a dark look in her eyes spoke.

Another light turned on, revealing a girl with a dragon tail, "Ohh! I got a good one! Hot springs! Hot springs are a great place for celebration!" (Plus if I play my cards right I can get some skin ship with Touma!) A perverted blush spread across her face.

Another bulb lit up, shining light on a middle school girl. "Ah! I see your perverted intentions written all over your face /return!" She waved a folded paper fan in her hand. "Besides, with a body like yours, its best to go with a swimsuit /return!"

The room was now fully lit up as the six individuals sat around the table. Huh? I only mentioned five? That's right… I forgot about this guy.

"Um…" the others turned to a boy with no real noticeable features. "Why am I here?"

Tsuchimikado sighed in disappointment, "Isn't it obvious Kaze-kun? We're here to celebrated tens years of success of A Certain Magical Index! We're still in the planning stages at this point."

Kazeyare slightly raised his hand, "That still doesn't explain why I'm here."

"Don't be hung up on such trivial details Kaze-kun." Aogami waved off his concern. "This is a parody story so stuff like why or how doesn't really matter."

"Oi! You can't just wave off common sense by calling it a parody story! That's irresponsible!" Kazeyare protested.

"Ehhh? But If we call it a Parody story right off the bat, it gives us more freedom to do what we want and lets the reader know they're reading something that has no real meaning other than to be funny." It was Lessar who countered his argument with an actual valid point.

"Ah. Well I guess you're right." He shook his head in agreement. "By the way, who are you?"

The room erupted with a shocking sound. "What!? How do you not know who I am! Did I not make a big enough impact during my debut in the novels?" Lessar's self esteem continued to drop at an alarming rate. I was even on the cover of volume 20!"

The non-descriptive boy looked on completely dumbfounded, "I'm sorry?" he had no idea how to react to the uproar.

Tsuchimikado slammed his hand on the table, granting him everyone's attention "Calm down everyone! I can explain his ignorance." The all quieted down and took to their seats. "Simply put, the author decided he would not know anything that occurred in the light novels as he was never apart of them."

"Ahh I see." Was all that they said.

WORST chucked, "Keh keh, so you're not even an important character. Just an OC! How sad." The light jab struck the boy at his core.

"Moving on to the main issue here," a blank piece of paper laid in the middle of the round table. "What should we do for the anniversary celebration?"

Aogami's hand was raised immediately. "Genderbender story!" he shamelessly shouted out.

"DENIED!" The boring boy shouted. "That's too much! I understand this is a parody story but shouldn't we at least try to remain in the realms of feasible?"

"What's so bad about changing the gender of everybody?"

A stray thought passed by his head as he imagined a certain hot-blooded boy as a girl. _That's not that bad-WAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIT! _He stopped himself from thinking any further before he began to question himself. The others looked at him expectantly, "W-well for one Maika would be a boy."

"GENDERBENT IS OUT OF THE QUESTION!" Roared the Siscon Sergeant.

"Tch! I really wanted to see Accel-chan in a skirt too!" WORST said to no one in particular.

"How about a beach trip? Plenty of reason to don this new bikini I got recently!" Lessar suggested still determined to get her skin ship with a certain unfortunate boy.

"It's December! You want to wear a bikini in winter? And don't suggest we go somewhere else like Hawaii! And how big is this guest list anyway?"

Aogami quickly stood up and reached for the device on his face, causing the others to overact.

"Aogami you can't do that! I know this is a parody story and all but that joke is not only old but completely overused!" Tsuchimikado desperately tried to talk some sense into him.

"W-what? What's going on?" said the person no one cared about.

WORST grinned at the events, "Why not let him do it? I would love to see the reactions on the review page if he does it. I bet all the girls would come flocking to you!" WORST said adding oil to the already out of control fire.

"H-he beat me to it /return! I thought I was the only one prepared for that joke /return." The Will lowered her head in defeat as she placed the well recognizable device on the table.

" W-wait! What about my beach trip?" Lessar tried to get the group back on track but to no avail.

Aogami continued to look forward as he resolved himself. "Sorry Tsuchimikado, but I can't let this golden opportunity pass me by." He showed his friend a light smile. "Besides, you also wanted to do this right?"

Tsuchimikado clicked his tongue as he clenched his fist. "You're right. I would do it if I was you, but that joke is so old and overused! It may cause more harm than help!"

Aogami stepped on the table, not heeding the words of his friend. "Even so, I can't stop myself."

"Seriously guys what the hell is going on!" the one who started it remained ignorant of the whole situation.

Aogami dramatically pointed at Kazeyare as the theme for Innocentius started playing in the background. "Kazeyare Kouta! You asked how many people are on the guest list correct?"

He nervously nodded his head, "I did but why are you standing on the table? And where is that music coming from?"

"That question of yours," Aogami raised and tightly clenched his left fist, "I'll answer it!"

"Why is this turning into such a big deal?" His protest fell on deaf ears.

"The number of people on the guest list," he removed the device from his face and held it in his hand. The tension in the air rose to incredible levels. "It's,"

He paused, waiting for the music to reach the perfect point.

"It's over 9000!" Aogami shouted to the heavens as he crushed the device in his hand.

"9000! THAT'S WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE!?"

They all looked on in shock. No words were needed to understand what had just happened. Aogami said the oldest joke in the world, and he received an adequate response. It was history in the making.

Aogami stepped down from the table and sat back down in his seat.

Tsuchimikado looked at his friend and gave him a nod of approval. "So, what does everybody think about the beach trip idea?"

"Hmm, now that I think about it," Lessar looked at a certain electromaster, "I'm not so fond of the idea now."

"Hmm, you realized your defeat before the battle began huh?" WORST taunted.

"OI! DON'T JUST CONTINUE AND PRETEND THAT NONSENSE DIDN'T OCCUR!" a voice that was ignored cried out.

"Kaze-kun, we're not here to goof off. We gathered here to devise a plan to celebrate the ten year Anniversary." Tsuchimikado said acting like a leader of sorts.

Kazeyare angrily pointed his finger at the ringleader. "Don't give me that bullcrap! You guys have been doing nothing but goofing off! And all your suggestions are either stupid or have some other perverted ulterior motive! Take this seriously? I'm pretty sure I'm the only one taking this seriously!"

A devious smile spread across WORST's face, "Oh, does that mean you have some genius idea of how to celebrate the Anniversary, Mary Sue?"

The Will nodded her head in agreement, "You've changed my opinion on you, person whose name I have no intention or remembering /return. I thought you were indiscriminately shooting down ideas but /backspace, you actually had a plan all along, didn't you /return?"

In that instant all the attention turned to Kazeyare Kouta and great expectations fell upon him.

"Ah, well um…" … "How about a festival? We set up booths all around Academy city with various activities and prizes. And we can even have a contest of sorts, like a fashion show or music. Then at night we can hold a traditional Japanese festival with yukatas and Fireworks. Oh and to promote people to got to the booths we can set up a point system of sorts. You earn points for each booth you go to and can turn them in for a big prize at the end!"

"Wow." that one word left their mouths.

"What's with that lame reaction? Can you guys think of anything better?" he challenged them.

"We could… but," Tsuchimikado trailed off.

"It's too much of a hassle and we've wasted too much time with your antics." Aogami chipped in.

"My antics?! You guys are the ones wasting time!" He angrily retorted.

"Since we're running out of time, we'll go along with your idea. Any objections?"

"WAIT!" A roar echoed in the room as an explosion of red, yellow and blue smoke filled the room. "You can't end it like this!" The number 7 made an unexpected appearance!

"Gunha! What the hell are you doing here?" the boy who shouted nothing but sense was reaching his limit.

"Hmm? No reason in particular. Just thought this needed some more guts!"

Four beams of light pierced a wall that encased the room. "Oi! What the hell is this? Why does that fucking idiot get all the attention?" A beautiful woman with long tea colored haired made her own entrance into the room.

"Who the hell are you?" the situation was getting out of hand

Before anyone could answer, another wall came crashing down, revealing two boys with white hair. "Scram already second rate! Why do I have to show up with you?" The cane-wielding boy complained about his entrance.

"Calm down you crippled lolicon. You should be grateful that I didn't ****** or even ******." The pure white boy replied with a smile.

"Oh! Accel-chan finally made his appearance! And with #2! This couldn't get any better." WORST rested her feet on the table and started snacking on some popcorn, fully prepared to enjoy the incoming bloodbath.

"Oi! We need to end this before this gets any worse! Huh? Where did they go?" The other members of the board had already evacuated the premises, leaving the boy to deal with the raging storm. "THEY LEFT ME!"

"Quiet down!" all but one had left, the WORST one to left in this situation. "Onee-chan will probably appear soon." Her devilish grin only promised more chaos.

Sure enough, the #1 tsundere in Academy City descended as she destroyed the ceiling along the way. "What the hell is going on here?" The scene was complete destruction. #4 and #7 were playing a dangerous game of laser volley, the #1 and #2 were engaged in kung-fu fighting, all while A certain Misaka enjoyed the show.

"What the hell is going on here?" she turned to the boy.

"We we're just planning a parody story for the ten year anniversary party and it somehow ended up like this!"

She twitched at the answer. "A… Parody story?" she muttered under her breath. She then proceeded to walk out through one of the large holes in the building. "I'm going home." Due to previous trauma of participating in other parody stories, Misaka Mikoto had no intentions of being kicked by a Saint or being ignored through a majority of the story again. With that, the #3 left the scene as quickly as she entered it.

But the other Level 5's still rampaged, leaving a weak level 2 to stop it. He held his head in fear as volleys of debris, Dark Matter, and beams of light flew threw the air. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he opened it to find a message from the greatest traitor.

Nyah~ Kaze-kun, If you get into a real bind, just shout these few words and everything will be all right!

He slowly read the whole message before placing his phone back in his pocket. He took in the largest breath of his life.

"OI! ISN'T THAT KAMIJOU TOUMA OVER THERE?" They all stopped and turned in that direction while he ran home as fast as he could.

Inside a certain dorm room, a spiky haired boy had chills sent up his spine.

And so, the meeting of minds came to an end with Academy City wondrously intact. Tomorrow the Anniversary celebration would begin. All characters from the Magic side and Science side will gather. Strong and weak. From one chapter antagonist to Side story jean cutters. From fathers of well known characters to magic gods and non-human beings. The celebration will definitely be one to remember…

"Huff huff, wait!" a girl with starry eyes ran to the deserted scene. "Ah! I'm late! Just redo everything from the beginning with your writing ability okay~?" she performed a cutesy pose.

…

…

…

Don't ask for the impossible from the author. Just make a flashy appearance during the festival.

"Huh? W-wait! I didn't run all-"

The sun sets on the prologue of adventure as we prepare for a new day. What will tomorrow hold in store for our heroes? Gutsy adventures? Perverted conquests? Unexpected alliances? Those these are all unknown, one thing is for sure; tomorrow will be filled with misfortune for a certain level 0!

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**And that's the first chapter! What do you think? It's crack right? But have you read any of Kamachi's paradoy stories? from cat-eared Misakas to Himegami hiding under Kamijou's bed! It it gets crazy! And yea this is my first time writing something like this, as most of you could probably tell. So feedback would be appreciated if you want to see more. As for pairings, I'm open for anything as I'm planning to use as many characters in this 'story' as possible. Even the deceased like Komaba Rikotou, Kihara Amata, Original Kakine Teitokou and Frenda Seiuliven. Also, If there's a certain tag team you want to see in this story, like WORST and Shokuhou, leave a review or PM me and I'll see what I can do.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So... That Announcement... I'm happy for Kamachi sensei. And Hope is not lost! I'll keep reaching for that dream that always seems to be just out of reach! Moving on to other things; **

**So since some people actually like this idea, i'm planning to update inbetween Gemstone... O.K. not really, this is pretty much a story that May or may not get updated often. Humor is hard people! I already had a hard time writing these two chapters, And they barely reach the 2000 word mark! So if you got ideas, throw them at me! Anything that doesn't directly involve Kamijou Touma. Pairings, Vs battles, Contests, I need something! Took me this long just to put out this chapter! Also I use ALL the books for reference, including the parody stories so there may be characters you've never seen but except for my sad OC, Kazeyare Kouta, I don't own any of the characters.**

**To those who read Gemstone: **

**You may be experiencing a tiny bit of delay on it likeaweekorso nothing big. I just need to get past the first paragraph, that's all.**

**Enough of this! On with the Show!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned A Certain Magical Index I wouldn't be celebrating it's Ten Year Anniversary with a website...(just _slightly _bitter about it.) or a FanFic.**

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District 16 was designated as the starting point for the celebration. The entire guests would first gather there, the main heroes and heroines would give a speech, and then they would be released to do whatever they wanted for the rest of the day. The day would close with a dance followed by a 'Special Prize' to the one who had gained enough points throughout the day.

Our _hero, _was currently at the main entrance of District 16, ensuring everyone on the guest list arrived before the opening ceremony.

_They seriously weren't joking when they said over 9000! And whys is Misaka on the list 20,001 times? And it even skips 20001! The young boy sighed as he waited for the guest to come._

The first group arrived with Tsuchimikaido Motoharu in the lead. "Hey Kaze-kun! How ya been?"

"Don't give me that crap! The whole meeting went to hell and you left me to deal with it! The least you could do is feel some sort of remorse and apologize!" He waved the large tablet in his hand.

"Nevermind that! I want you to meet my beautiful younger sister whose a great cook and maid-in-training!" Tsuchimikado ignored the boy to introduce his sister.

On top of a cleaning robot was Tsuchimikado Maika in her maid outfit. "Ne Ne, Is it true that there's going to be a special prize at the end?"

"Yup! Though I have no idea what the 'Special Prize' is."

"It's definitely got to be food!" a girl with long silver hair wearing a white and gold nun habit appeared behind Maika. "A lifetime of food would be great! I'd never worry about missing a meal! Right Sphinx?" a calico cat popped its head out of her outfit and let out a cute meow.

"So whose the nun?" An outrageous question was asked.

Lightning struck the ground in the background as they all looked at him with shocked faces. "WHAT!? How can you not know who she is? She's the face of this series!" Tsuchimikado stammered.

"Don't give me that crap! You said it yourself I'm ignorant of this whole situation!"

Motoharu shook his head. "I did but there's a limit to how ignorant you can be. This is the ToAru Universe we're celebrating here! How can you not know?"

"I know about Academy City, espers, and a little knowledge on some of the level 5's! That's it!"

"…That's it…" the shell-shocked nun was slowly recovering. "Ever since New Testament, I've been slowly fading into the background, yet Touma continues to do amazing things even when I'm not around. And now I even have more competition!" she stood on her feet and held her small fist near her chest. "Though I did regain some ground in NT 8, I still need a much stronger comeback if I want to remain the main heroine of this story. So the first step is to win that 'Special Prize'! Then Touma will have to recognize my importance!" she charged forward with newfound strength, leaving her companions behind.

"….So who is she?" His question was never answered.

Kazeyare sat down in his chair, scrolling down the list on his tablet as he waited for more guest to arrive. _So Tsuchimikado Motoharu, Tsuchimikado Maika, and Index Librohitumm, ummm? Index, yeah lets go with that. That's three off the list. _He thought to himself, forgetting a certain extremely important cat.

"Is this the entrance to the 10 year anniversary celebration, Misaka inquires?" a girl in a Tokiwadai middle uniform approached him. She looked almost exactly like Misaka Mikoto but…

"Are those… Cat ears?" He couldn't believe his eyes! A real cat-girl was in front of him in the city of science.

"Please don't stare Misaka shyly asks as she attempts to cover her ears."

"Cat-girl!" A boy appeared as a blue blur arriving to the scene. "It's true! Cat ears! Cat tail! She even has cat like eyes!"

"Oi! Aogami! Stop harassing the guest! You're going to scare her off!" Sure enough, Misaka 20002 fled the scene before the pervert's harassing became more 'physical'.

"Ah! Wait! I just want you to wear this maid outfit!" Aogami chased after her holding a maid outfit that anyone would hardly call clothing.

"Ah, hold on! I didn't get your name! Whatever, I'll just cross out one of the 20,001 Misakas."

"Wait a minute, Misaka says as she makes her dramatic entrance." Another person with the appearance of Misaka Mikoto appeared slowly descending in a parachute. She disconnected the chute and made an epic landing, posing while doing so, earning her a round of applause from an unknown audience.

"That indeed was epic, um Misaka 1?"

"Incorrect. I am Misaka 20000 says Misaka as she puts up a peace sign while revealing her identity."

"SO THERE ARE REALLY 20000 OF YOU!" He was utterly dumbstruck by the news.

"Wrong, Misaka answers with a look of pity. There is only one Misaka 20000 Misaka replies with the obvious answer while questioning the boy's intelligence."

"That's not what I meant and I got a feeling you knew what I meant." He yelled while giving a suspicious glare.

Misaka averted his gaze, "Misaka has no idea what you're talking about, Misaka says as she tries to hide her true intentions."

"It seems that you're enjoying yourself Misaka 20000, says Misaka with ominous intentions." A mysterious youth appeared wearing a white mask and a Tokiwadai uniform. "Did you forget that I know everything about you? Misaka says with a taunting tone."

"Oi oi, it's one after another. Huh? W-why are you trembling Misaka 20000?"

Misaka glared at the mysterious youth who claimed to know about her past. "Who are you? Misaka asks with a hint of fear in her voice."

"Seriously! You have no idea who that is?" He was now starting to question her intelligence.

"Who am I? Misaka repeats the question with a malicious intentions." The youth then started to remove the mask. "I am none other than Misaka. Misaka says as she reveal her secret identity to her enemy." The white mask was removed, revealing a girl with the same face as Misaka Mikoto.

Misaka 20000 fell to her knees and placed her hands to her face. "N-no way. You can't be. Misaka says as she expresses extreme shock."

"Don't act all surprised! This was expected! That speech pattern gave it away immediately! And what's the point of wearing a mask if you're not going to bother changing your clothes?" all his valid points were completely ignored.

"I thought you were only a myth. An existence that never existed, but you do exist, Misaka 3! Misaka says as she finally reveals the enemies name to the audience."

"Why the hell would you doubt her existence? Of course Misaka 3 exist! 3 comes way before 20000! No one skips a number without reason!"

"Idiot! Misaka Misaka dramatically appears in time to educate the ignorant boy!" A small girl wearing a sky-blue dress with white dots appeared next to Kazeyare without any warning. "You may not know this but humanity has always had a difficult time handling the number 3. It's a cursed number that most never get a chance to see. Just like it's impossible to count to infinity, some humans don't have the ability to count to 3. Misaka Misaka says as she overlooks the ongoing situation with a serious face!"

"That explanation doesn't make any sense! Doesn't the existence of Misaka 3 prove that humans can overcome that what you call impossible?" Kazeyare gave up trying to fight the absurdity and decided to go along with it.

"Ah, then there's no reason for us to fight then right? Misaka says as she makes a conclusion." And just like that the conflict was resolved and no one was punched. The two Misaka sisters shook hands and their hearts became one.

"That's it! All that nonsense and drama for this kind of half-assed ending?"

"Though I am a bit upset. Misaka says as prepares to bring up another conflict."

"I agree. I am discontent that Misaka 20001 shown up. Misaka says revealing her desire for more screen time."

"Misaka takes this as her cue to escape, Misaka Misaka says as she runs away full speed!" the two Misaka sisters gave chase to the youngest of the sisters.

Soon after a swarm of Misaka sisters came and introduced themselves in a variety of ways, from long-lost sister to childhood friend to unknown fiancé, they all came to make sure that they held a lasting impression on the boy.

"Um excuse me? Is this the celebration spot?" Another girl with chestnut-brown hair appeared, unfortunately Kazeyare's sanity had finally vanished.

"Another one eh? So what kind of character are you? Though not much is left. There was even one claiming to be a boy!"

"Eh? What are you talking about?"

"Hmm? Well Tsundere hasn't been done." He ignored her inquiry as he continue to spout nonsense.

A bright red blush appeared all over her face. "Tsu-tsu-tsu…" she struggled to spit out the word.

"That's great! Your acting ability is top notch compared to the others! The blush, the tremble, even the out control sparks scream tsundere! Though Tsundere probably isn't the best word." He placed his hand on his chin. "Oh I know! Thundere!"

"I'M NOT A TSUNDERE!" A flash of lightning rained down on the boy. She stomped on through the gate, leaving him nearly burnt to a crisp.

"That… was the real Misaka Mikoto wasn't it?"

* * *

Kazeyare slowly slumped down back in his chair and crossed off their names on the electronic list. _Is it over yet? _The celebration hasn't even started yet and chaos is already rearing up its ugly head.

"Oi." A harsh female voice grabbed his attention. He looked up to see a slim girl with pure white hair and ruby red eyes. "This is where the celebration is starting right?"

He stared at her blankly for a while, dazed by her bizarre appearance. _That's our school uniform right? Never seen her before. _"Yes, this is the place. What's your name?"

"Suzushina Yuriko." She spat out.

"Yup your on the list. You're good to go!" she walked off without saying another word. _I don't know why but she seems really familiar. Have I seen her recently somewhere?_ He couldn't put his finger to it but that's to be expected.

"Oi." Another harsh voice interrupted his thoughts, though much more masculine, and very familiar. He turned around to see a cane-ridden boy with white hair and red eyes that glared at his very soul.

The boy who was part of the mass destruction yesterday that took out ten districts. One thing came to his mind when he saw the #1. "Do you have a twin sister?"

"Ah? What the hell are you talking about?" he spat out while glaring at him.

"Hoooold onyou Acellworaeter-chwan!" two drunk woman stumble behind him, leaning against each other to keep each other up.

"Yoshikawa-Sensei! You're drunk already? I understand this is a celebration but don't drink BEFORE you get to the party!"

The #1 merely sighed, "She's not drinking to celebrate, and the other one was forced to."

"Eh?"

"Nevermind that have you seen a small brat running around here?"

"Hmm? Like the one next to you?" Next to Accelerator was a girl name Fraulein Kreutune, cutely holding on to his pants leg.

"Forget it then. Lets go Yomikawa. Yoshikawa." Despite being crippled and having a small girl clinging to him so closely, he's surprising fast.

The two adults stumbled after the albino, leaving Kazeyare once again alone the dangerous job of ensuring all the guest arrive.

The day has just begun for our unoriginal character who gets way too much screen time.

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**So let's see, Who is at the party right now? Tsuchimikado siblings, SISTERS, Misaka Mikoto, Index, Aogami Pierce, Accelerator, Yomikawa Aiho, Yoshikawa Kikyo, and Suzushina Yuriko. Yup, I did that. So whose next on the long list of ToAru characters? What characters will have some shenannigans together? What crack pairings could I possibly do? Amata? Othinus? Thor? No one is safe from this soon to be disaster of a party! Not even Aiwass!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I promised myself I wouldn't do it, but I couldn't resist! It was a perfect chance! You'll know what I'm talkikng about after you read it. Not much volume for this one. Also, One of my fics was suggested on the ToAru page! Yay! I'm facebook famous! Though I'm pretty sure it's because of the lack of Gunha fics... So I won by default?... Wow. What a buzzkill... **

**Enjoy the chapter. You won't see this updated for a while.**

* * *

Kazeyare Kouta was ready for anything. Though over 20,000 guests had already arrived, there were still plenty more to come, none of them really in their right mind. He mentally prepared himself for any psychopath that would come his way. Needless to say, nothing could prepare him for the monsters ahead.

"From cat-eared girls to drunken teachers to Level 5s. I don't think this party could have any more ridiculous guests."

BOOOM! A crashing roar echoed as a large object fell from the sky, Kazeyare jumping back in response.

"W-W-WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" he asked no one.

The dust settled revealing Acqua Of The Back wielding his large sword Ascalon. He looked down at Kazeyare who stared back with shock. "Is this the celebration grounds?"

With his mouth agape, only one word came to Kazeyare's mind, "C-cool…" Acqua entered without another word, with Kazeyare paralyzed by such a strange sight. "A giant sword! A GIANT SWORD! THAT'S SO AWESOME!" He could no longer contain the excitement of seeing one of his childish fantasies come to life in front of him! "Maybe this day won't be so bad after all."

He would soon regret those words.

"Oi. Dumbass." He turned to see Mugino Shizuri with the rest of ITEM.

"It's the crazy beam girl!"

A ray of light shot passed Kazeyare and cut through a building behind him. "What was that?"

"It's the beautiful ojou-sama! It's a pleasure to see you again."

"Whatever dipshit." She walked past him without another word.

"Sorry about that Kazeyare. She's not too happy since NT started and shifted away from the Science characters." Hamazura Shiage said.

Tears began to flow out of Kazeyare's eyes. "H-Hamazura!" He jumped for joy and gave him a bear hug. "Finally! Someone normal is here! All these crazy psychos are all popping out of the woodwork! I'm just taking accountability! I don't want to be here when this celebration starts!"

"Take it easy! My life's been hard too, you know! I had to fight a Level 5, evade assassination from Academy City, escaped to Russia with my sick girlfriend, all while being pursued! I even ran into Accelerator! But the worst part of it all was that I only got to use the Dragon Rider once! Once! Even after all that, I'm still treated like a lackey!" He also began to cry and hugged Kazeyare back.

As the two wallowed in self-pity, A malicious aura caught their attention. "Hamazura… What are you doing?"

Immediately the two pulled away from each other and met the hollow gaze of Takisubo Rikou.

"Ahh! Wait a minute Takisubo! You know I'm not like that! Please don't get jealous of every single thing! And Kinuhata! Wipe that smirk off your face! It's not funny!"

Behind Takisubo was Kinuhata Saia who had both of her hands covering her mouth to prevent her laughter from spilling out. "I should have super known Hamazura is like that. Now Takisubo will have to follow you to the restroom." She busted out laughing after she made her remark and and continued into the celebration.

"It's alright Hamazura. I still love you." She assured.

…_That doesn't make him feel any better! In fact, aren't you just adding insult to injury!_

After his brief meeting with ITEM, some more strange characters came in under the name GREMLIN.

A shrine maiden walked behind the group. "I'm not a part of GREMLIN."

"It's completely unfair." Cendrillion said in french. "While you rose in fandom due to your feminine looks and strange personality, my quest for revenge was put on the wayside. I was even a temporarily a loli! Do you know how demeaning that is?"

"Ha ha! Calm down Cendrillion." Thor calmly replied. "The novels haven't stated you left Academy City yet. You still have a chance for the spotlight during the next Science Side arc!

Marian Slingeneyer released a sigh, "Why are we even going to this party? There's nothing to gain from this non-canon meeting is there?" the black drum next to her known as Mjölnir shook its body as if agreeing with her colleague's statement.

"Hmmmm? Well that's fine. Me and Bersi were going to participate in the male swimsuit competition, but I guess well head back."

Bersi raised and eyebrow, "I never stated that I wogrbrff!" he was cut off by a swift elbow to the side by Thor.

"W-well if you guys must, I guess we can go." Marian said with a change of heart. "Besides, I don't think Othinus is going to change her mind."

In front of the group, their leader, Magic God Othinus was violently shaking the innocent boy standing guard for the party.

"How is such a job as this difficult? Are you below even the average mortal?" Othinus said sharply. "All I want to know is if Kamijou Touma is going to be here and you, the one with the guest list can't even deliver that information!"

Kazeyare recomposed himself as the eyepatch girl released her grip from his clothes. "I just said I haven't seen him yet! Don't be upset with me! And what the hell is with that speech pattern? Do you have some kind of god complex?"

A strange explosion occurred behind Kazeyare. "I suggest you choose you next words carefully human, as they will be your last."

"Fine. Since I'm going to die anyway. I have to know something."

…

…

…

"Are you an exhibitionist?"

* * *

Sorry Sargent Crash here! Had to interrupt that obscure scene of violence. So yeah I still have a long list of characters to introduce so I'm just going to introduce them here while Othinus takes care of Kazeyare.

Kamijou: Oi! Aren't you being lazy about this?

Crash: Of course I am! Do you know how hard it is to introduce all of these characters without them being to OOC? It's hard and I don't feel like doing it. Some characters are easy but Kiharas? Kazakiri Hyouka? Styl Magnus? The girl in dress? Boy with goggles? Fren? Da?

Kamijou: That was horrible…

Crash: You don't even know the **half **of it! *Bud Dum Tsh!*

Kamijou: Shouldn't you put more effort in this?

Crash: Says the one trying to avoid the situation altogether…

Kamijou: …So who's next on the introduction?

Crash: *flips through papers* I was thinking of introducing Kakine on top of a Jaeger.

Kamijou: A crossover! Isn't this suppose to be a ToAru Celebration? Not a fic to indulge one of your fantasies!

Crash: Tsk, tsk, tsk Kamijou-san. You didn't let me finish. The Jaeger is composed of Dark Matter! Dark Matter J! Awesome isn't it?

Kamijou: You're serious? People actually have expectations from this! Don't give them some half-assed piece of crap because you don't want to put in the actual work!

Crash: Fine fine! Geez, having you as a conscious is very annoying. Well let's get back to the plot. Any you know a giant fighting robot made of Dark Matter is totally awesome!

Kamijou: Do I need to break your illusions?

Crash: Does your hand burn with an awesome power?

*Punches Sargent Crash in the face*

Crash: Ow! Okay I did deserve that. On with the show!

…

…

…

Crash: Next chapter!

Kamijou: Oi!

Crash: What!? I ran out of ideas! Anyway lets consider this author notes as well. I do have ideas of what I want from this fanfic. Thanks to those who gave me those ideas and look forward to them in the far future. Still want to introduce some more characters before we move on to the plot of the story.

Kamijou: There's a plot?

Crash: well more like connecting ideas and shorts on a single timeline that don't contradict with each other… yeah there's no plot. I do have a request from the readers. Next chapter I plan on doing a Q and A. You can ask me anything! I'll answer it to the best of my ability! Of course there is going to be a co-host. So submit your questions and your co-host and look forward to the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**And you thought this was dead! Let the Shenanigans begin! Some of the content is outdated as it was written earlier and therefore had more context when written. Oh and Disclaimer:  
**

**(I wish I did but) I do not own A Certain Magical Index, A Certain Magical Index New Testament, A Certain Scientific Railgun, or A Certain Scientific Accelerator. These are all owned by Kazuma Kamachi who I am not. I also don't get paid to write... Please support the official blah blah blah Here's some crack fic! Enjoy!**

* * *

**The Show Before The Show Deals A Heavy Blow**

Hello everybody! This is Sargent Crash along with his co-host, Tsuchimikado Motoharu!

TM: Nyahh!

SC: Now before we begin our actual 'story' per say me along with some other characters have some important things we like to discuss!

TM: Actually Mugino submitted a question for this very moment.

SC: Mugino?! What did she ask?

TM: Die...

SC: ...That's not really a question... Is there anything more?

TM: Yup! A Page full. =)

SC: You only said one word! Tsuchimikado!

TM: Calm down Crash-san! I would read the rest but due to the rating of this fanfic I can't.

SC: Oh... Isn't that just laziness of the author?

TM: You said it. Not me.

SC: I get it! I get it! I deeply apologize to my followers who patiently waited for an update! Moving on to our next guest Hamazura Shiage! (Loud Applause!)

HS: You don't need a card to drive: You need the skills.

*Heavy Awkward Silence*

HS: Too much huh? Well how about this? *Clears Throat* That was too easy, Level 5.

SC: Ah...uhhhh Hamazura... What are you doing?

HS: Obviously. I'm practicing my lines.

SC: F-for what exactly?

HS: Index III! III! They just released the final announcement for Kamachi's 10th anniversary! Well it was obvious to everybody what the news was! I have to make up for that lame appearance from Index II! *Clears Throat* This Is ITEM. Don't go forgetting that even if you go to hell.

SC: Oi...

TM: Now hold on there Crash-san. Don't tell him just yet. Or do you want to be the bearer of bad news?

HS: It's a cold day today... Nice day for a barbecue.

SC: Oi...

TM: ...Pfftt! Haahahaaaaa! HAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAAA! What the hell was that pose for? HAhaha! 'Nice day for a barbecue'? HAHAHAHAAHA! Oh my sides! My side are killing me!

HS: Shut it Tsuchimikado! They may seem stupid and out of place but just wait! The End Of The Century Emperor is coming!

SC: Hamazura...

HS: What? What's with that pitying look on your face?

SC: There's no official announcement of Season 3 of Index...

HS:...What?

SC: Like I said there's no-

HS: WHY? It's been so long since my last appearance in the novels and being shoehorned into the position of protagonist! Even though Iv'e been through hell and back, I'm still the lackey and punching bag of some ridiculously strong people. I wasn't planning on becoming some great hero during WWIII, I just wanted to survive the Assassins from Academy City, protect the one I love from a psychotic Level 5 and try not to get killed in the crossfire of a full out war!

SC: You've had it rough, haven't you.

TM: So you're upset the fans of To Aru who don't read the light novels don't know who you are?

HS: I just want more Fan art of me and ITEM!

SC: ...What?

HS: Fan art! Why do those two bastards get paired up with beautiful women when I get nothing!

SC: Don't you think you're asking too much? I mean you do have a cute girlfriend.

HS: It's not the same! What's the point of having a cute girlfriend if she never shows off her body!

SC: (He's a hopeless pervert!) Ah! We're getting off track here! And we never actually answered any questions but hey who cares!? The celebration is about to commence!

* * *

**The Opening Speech**

Roberto Katze took to the podium placed directly in front of the Windowless Building. The opening ceremony for the Ten year Anniversary was about to start. As the chosen spokesperson for To Aru he held his chest high with great pride and took in one final breath before speaking in to mic, "Ladies, gentlemen, and others, with great pleasure I welcome you to an event that celebrates ten long years of To Aru. It all started with a single light novel written by Kazuma Kamachi and illustrated by Kiyotaka Haimura and a chapter called 'The Tale Of A Boy Who Could Kill Illusions.' The Imagine Breaker. A simple story really. A normal high school boy with an abnormal power residing in his right hand. As the world around him begins to move he uses this power to save many lives. But if you read between the lines you saw a bit more. A forgotten maiden who is born with an ill power, A powerful magician who couldn't save thier most precious person, A teacher who sees the darkness in society and yet continues to march forward paving a way to a new future, A man who discarded his enitire life to discover something new. This 'simple' story became more than about a boy who could kill illusions. The core of To Aru isn't Academy City nor is it the Puritan Church. It isn't even the Imagine Breaker. It's Characters. It's you Komaba Ritokou who helped shaped the largest Skill-Out faction. It's you Dolly that gave Shoukuhou Misaki a friend worth fighting for. It's you Tatemiya Saiji that carried the Amakusa-Style Remix Church to where they are now; with their Supreme Pontiff Kanzaki Kaori. **We,** are To Aru. From the former Pope of the Roman Catholic Church Matthai Reese to the Number one esper of Academy City Accelerator, we all make up this wonderful world. Take pride in that! It's because of you that we made it this far! So let loose! Have fun! And remember, when Magic and Science cross paths, that's when the story begins!"

**The Kamijou Bar (The Issues Of Being His Father)**

Kamijou Touya had set up an intricate bar at the bottom floor of a hotel in District 3 filled with unique trinkets and gadgets he had gathered from around the world. Though the opening ceremony had just ended and many booths were still closed Touya was already hard at work making drinks for the many beautiful women who flooded in as he opened.

"What's with all the sad faces? I understand the saying 'drowning your sorrows' but please don't come here with expecting faces and in an instant look like someone ripped away all hope in your life." Touya was perplexed by the multitude of females with their heads hung low. Oddly enough, some were already drinking.

"Bartender! Another one here!" Itsuwa yelled with her face already a mild pink.

"You just got here and you're already on your 5th one! Don't you think you should slow down miss?" Touya was honestly surprised how much she drank in such a short amount of time. He began to wonder if underage drinking was a normal thing.

"You're his father so you look like him," She muttered under her breath.

"Huh?"

"You're his father so it's no surprise that you share similar facial features so," she grabbed the bottle out of Touya's hand and chugged it down all at once. "Eventually You'll look like him so I'll keep drinking until you look exactly like him!"

"Boss! We should probably do something about these girls! They all have this dark light in their eyes after hearing that." His colleague and assistant Tanaka said after returning from serving drinks.

"Tanaka... Are we not men?"

"We are but those girls have the eyes of predators!"

"Let me confide in you for a second Tanaka. I've traveled all around the world. I've met various people of different age and gender. I've seen many inequalities in this world and used my position to help those who needed. I've brought many temporary freeloaders back to my house and every single time I faced death."

"Death?"

"Tanaka. The most fearsome opponent isn't the one you face out in the world. It's the one you see at home with an elegant smile and dangerous aura asking about the beautiful girl next to you."

**The Komoe Buffet (Lolicon or Shotacon?)**

Within the Limits of District 7, A certain small teacher had set up a booth that attracted certain types of characters.

"Index Librorum Prohibitorum? No Matter how you look at it, that's without a doubt a fake name! And You! I already told you smoking is bad for someone your age!" a 135cm teacher with pink hair was dutifully scolding two members of the Angelican church. Even if at first glance it looks like an elementary school child throwing a tantrum in a family restaurant.

The 200cm boy took another puff of his cigarette, "I'm plenty tall enough for someone my age. I'm more concerned about you. Can someone your age even handle a booth like this by yourself?"

The older woman flailed her hands wildly behind the counter, "Sensei is older than you! And you need to be considerate to the other customers too! Secondhand smoke is just as bad!"

Index, who had up to this moment was eating a large bowl of ramen, abruptly stopped after hearing Komoe's comment. "Stunted growth?" A horrified expression appeared on the small nun's face, "No! I don't want be this small forever! Stiyl! Stop smoking this instant! My growth is my final trump card if I want to return as the Heroine!"

Stiyl calmly threw away the cigarette while quietly muttering something, "I think your fine just the way you are..."

"Ah! Don't just throw it on the ground! That's littering!"

"Sensei, isn't that why this city has those annoying drum like cleaner robots?"

"You're creating a bad habit for yourself! Sensei won't tolerate behavior like this!"

From a distance Aogami Pierce noticed the trio at the booth. A single question arose from his mind upon seeing them

_Am I witnessing Stiyl committing an act of Lolicon or Komoe-sensei performing an act of Shotacon? _A question worth pondering for the Fetish King.

* * *

**Okay! So Yeah I finally have some free time(That is until Xcom 2, Destiny The Taken King And various other anime come out) to post this chapter! If you followed this way back when and are reading this now, I applaud your patience. Hopefully it was worth the wait. I already have two other scenarios written down for the next chapter but I wanted to save those and I felt this was a good time to stop and ask for the lovely feedback from all you readers. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Was it 'Meh, I've read better.' Was your favorite side character mentioned? Did you laugh? Did you cry? Did I capture the character in a way that seemed like they would totally do that in cannon? I NEED TO KNOW! You don't have to write anything but a good ol 'hey dude, your story is good.' Granted this isn't really a story. Don't expect much. So yeah leave your thoughts in that block below and I'll see you when I see you.**

**By the way... Where exactly IS Kamijou Touma?**

**Sargent Crash**

**Crashing Out!**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is the Part where I apologize for the wait and offer some excuse about X and Y(HAH! Pokemon! Crack myself up sometimes.). As for those who are waiting on an update on my other stories, I'm planning on completing Rising Sun before I jump back into Gemstone. I also applaud your patience. You guys! You're the real MVP!**

**Disclaimer: I own Nothing!**

* * *

**Test your Guts At The ****AMAZING** **Petting Zoo (Extinction Event?)**

"Hahahaaaha!" A roaring laugh echoed throughout School District 6. "Test your guts here at the Amazing Petting Zoo! Do you have the Guts to ride a ferocious crocodile? The mettle to arm wrestle a black bear? Or even the will to challenge the king of beasts? The great Lion!" A perplexing explosion of red, yellow, and blue dust appeared behind Sogiita Gunha, who challenged all who dared walked by his booth. "Ah! How about you two young girls over there?" Two members of GREMLIN glanced over to see the gutsy boy calling them out.

"Ah well I'm a boy actually." The young blonde said correcting Sogiita.

Sogiita calmly nodded his head in response, "I see, I see. I apologize for my mistake." He then glanced down at Othinus. "Sir, You've got a lot of guts! I actually thought you were a girl!" In his gutsy fashion, he flashed her a thumbs up.

Othinus swiftly responded to the boy's remark with a heavy punch to the Gemstone's stomach. "I'm obviously a girl you idiotic human!" The boy staggered back a bit before regaining composure and laughing the whole incident off.

"Haha! My bad, my bad! The world sure is a big place. You have a lot of guts missy! Here to test them at my Amazing Petting Zoo?"

Thor glanced with an eyebrow raised, "Amazing… Petting Zoo?"

Gunha proudly puffed his chest out, "Yes. **Amazing **petting zoo!"

"What could be so amazing about a petting zoo?" Othinus questioned.

A wide teeth showing grin spread across Gunha's face, "I'm glad you asked miss! A normal petting zoo gives you food pellets to feed to the animals right?" Thor and Othinus nodded their heads in unison. "Don't you think that's just not enough? You go to the zoo for excitement! Adventure! A new experience! Normal petting zoos lack innovation! They lack style! But most importantly…. THE LACK GUTS!" In a showy fashion Gunha motioned to the large open lot behind him with 4 tarped cages varying in size. "In order to pet these amazing animals you have to complete a challenge!" He removed the tarp from one of the cages, revealing a large black bear. "For the black bear you simply have to beat it in an arm wrestling match!"

"You say simply but I doubt a wild animal is just going to sit there and-"

"It's sitting." Othinus stated calmly, cutting off Thor's rebuttal. "It's sitting patiently in the chair as if waiting for a challenger."

"How?"

"Doesn't matter." Gunha swifty replied.

"Well I mean.."

"Doesn't matter!"

"Ah…" Thor gave up asking how and accepted the reality that a bear is calmly waiting for a challenger in arm wrestling. "I get it. But what happens if someone loses?"

"I don't know." was the idiotic yet proudly declared reply.

In response, a loud sigh escaped from Thor's mouth. "C'mon Othinus let's… Wait…. What are you doing? Othinus!"

"Accepting the challenge of course." She stated in a matter-of-factly tone.

"Why? Your a god! Why're you accepting this trivial challenge?"

Othinus stepped into the cage and glared directly into the bear's eyes, "Exactly. The fact that this bear thinks it even has a chance of beating me is an insult in its own right. Othinus losing to a bear? The thought isn't even worth entertaining. And if you look at the bear's face it's definitely thinking 'What's this little girl going to do? Tickle my paws?' Just you wait you oversized piece of furniture! I'll wipe that smug grin right off your face!"

Thor and Gunha both thought to themselves. _The bear? It's grinning?_

" Also…," she cracked her knuckles in a violent manner, "It's not because I'm upset that I'm unable to find Kamijou Touma or anything like that."

Thor struggled to hold in his laughter at the god's anger. _What the hell is that? Tsundere? God Complex? Can you even call it a god complex if she actually is one? _"Fine, fine. Just please don't go overboard. The last thing we need is a phase of the world where bears don't exist."

Othinus scoffed at his remark, "I'm not so petty as to remake the world for something as trivial as this."

As expected, the battle was short lived. Othinus mercilessly defeated the bear, effectively wiping the 'smug grin' off of its face. "Congratulations! Now claim your prize! By the way, his favorite spot to be pet is behind his left ear!" Gunha exclaimed enthusiastically like some game show announcer.

Despite the bears utter defeat at the hands of the small girl, he lowered his head and prepared to gift the victor with their reward. However, "Don't care for it." This was also the expected result. It's not like the bear actually enjoyed being slowly scratched behind his left ear. No. He wasn't happily waiting for his 'punishment' to occur. So of course the bear totally didn't sulk in the corner as Othinus ignored his existence. "I'll challenge the others though."

"Ha! I like those guts of yours! I can definitely feel them overflowing!"

"I've yet to completely vent my frustrat- i mean I'll crush any challenge that comes before me!"

"Next is…" Sogiita threw the tarp off the second cage revealing a large but lazy looking lion. "The great king of beast. The lion!"

"So. What's the challenge? African Rodeo? Sumo wrestling? Maybe even some rock-paper-scissors?" Thor asked sarcastically.

Sogiita responded with a puzzled look, "A lion can't play rock-paper-scissors. They don't have any hands."

_Please recognize sarcasm when someone uses it you idiot! _"Ah… You're right…"

"No this challenge is even more brutal than any other challenge I've compiled at this Amazing petting zoo! Even I have tasted defeat at this challenge. It will test the utmost limits of your abilities. By the end of it, you may even want to cry." Thor took an audible gulp as his mind wandered as to what this challenge could be. "Are you ready, for the ultimate staring contest?"

"There's nothing challenging about a staring contest!" Thor yelled out in tsukkomi fashion.

"I'll accept the challenge." Othinus ignored Thor's outburst and walked inside the cage. "Prepare to taste defeat, you so called King of Beast." She declared to her opponent who remained motionless sprawled out on the floor.

The lion remained sprawled out and let out a loud yawn as if to say 'Huh? Oh another challenger? Please do me a favor and lose quickly so I can go back to sleep.'

"Oh? You have a lot of gal to provoke me. I think an oversized housecat like you would make a great rug."

_What are you doing Othinus? Getting so easily agitated by a lion? _Thor was once again struggling to hold in his laughter.

…

…

…

And the fierce battle between the king of beast and Magic God commenced, much to the chagrin of Thor. Neither letting the other gain the upper hand in the intense stare-down of the century. One minuscule mistake from either party would result in immediate defeat. The pressure around them even caused the #7 level 5 of Academy City to flinch.

"Can you feel that? They're definitely overflowing with guts!"

"No. I don't feel anything." As much as he liked laughing at the all-powerful Magic God, Thor felt this was a waste of time. "Hey Othinus? I'm going ahead." his comment fell on deaf ears ah she remained solely focused on defeating the opponent in front of her. "Whatever." As he was about to walk away a low and familiar voice echoed within the area.

"SUCH MISFORTUNE!"

The green eyed god swiftly turned her head before realizing her mistake. "Ah."

"That's it! Challenge is over! Winner is the king of beast himself! The Lion!" Gunha declared in his announcer-esque voice.

"Hmmm." Thor glanced over at Othinus, "I could've sworn I heard someone…" He brushed off the thought. "So you lost huh? Guess you realized this was a waste of time huh?"

"...Lose? Me? What are you talking about Thor?"

"Hm? Well I mean you just lost to- Wait! Why did you pull out Gungir?"

"Don't panic. I was just thinking Thor. I can't lose to something that doesn't exist, right?"

_Don't go causing extinctions because you're a sore loser! Othinnussssss!_

**An Unexpected rant from an Egotistical person.(White or White?)**

In a bar ran by a certain Kamijou, A fight between two pure white boys was being held. Fists were sloppily thrown on the others face as the opponent desperately tried to avoid one was filled with drunken rage the other boy emitted a sense of weakness, refusing to swing back despite his current situation. But what caused us to get here in the first place? (Well besides the underage drinking.) And who exactly were these boys? To understand this, let's rewind back a bit to when Kamijou Touya's bar wasn't a makeshift fight club.

"Whew… The rush is finally started to die down." Touya wiped the sweat from his brow. Most of the women who surged in the bar had all but left after realizing Kamijou Touma was not there. Now all that were remained were a few stragglers and some other interesting characters. Among them were three people with white hair. "Ah sorry about the wait. Wasn't expecting that many customers here! Guess all you kids are dying to experience the taste of an adult! Now what can I get you three?"

The first of the three boys(?) spoke up, "The strongest drink you have."

Touya could only sigh to himself at his response. _Another person here to drown their sorrows huh? _"Alright! One 'memory deleter' coming right up. Now what can I get for yo-oh?" Upon closer inspection, he noticed something about the two boys. "Ah! I'm surprised at myself that I didn't notice earlier! Twins right? Well maybe triplets?" He glanced over at the third person with white hair who calmly shook their head in denial. "Oh. But correct me if I'm wrong, is it normal for twins to have different colored eyes?"

"Well to be honest, we're not exactly twins." The green eyed boy answered. "I'm Kakine Teitoku. And he is also Kakine Teitoku. Due to various things happening, we've ended up like this."

"Hmmmm. I see. So what do you want today?"

"I'll just have a glass of water."

"That my friend, I can do! Now what about you mist-" Touya paused to fully comprehend the person. "Miss?"

"Coffee. Black. No sugar."

With a swift motion of the hand, Touya delivered the drinks to his young customers. Kakine Original grabbed the drink and chugged it down without haste.

"Ah. I have to apologize to you. We ran out of our strongest drink earlier this morning. Hope you don't mind settling for our 2nd strongest?"

An audible snapping sound could be heard within the bar.

"...2nd…."

The calmer Kakine could only facepalm, "Oh no…"

"Tch… He's seriously about to blow because of that?" The white haired girl(?) muttered.

"Who're calling 2nd rate!? You goddamn minor characters!" 4 angel like wings sprouted from Kakine's back as he angrily flipped the bar counter, causing it to crash into the neatly stacked rack of liquors.

"My Bar!"

"Who fucking cares!"

"...My… coffee…"

"Go kill yourself you crossdressing pervert!"

"Ah?" The girl(?) stood up at this remark, "Man my hearing must be really off right now cause I could've sworn you said 'Please someone kill me!' Did I hear that right, you third rate antagonist?"

"Antagonist? Me? If anything I'm the fucking protagonist and your all extras in my story! Do you even know who the hell I am? Kakine Teitoku! That's who! Wielder of the greatest ability to ever be seen! Dark Matter! And we're not talking about the scientific dark matter that exist in space, no! We're talking about matter that didn't even **exist **until I, Kakine Teitoku, fucking created it! You think some antagonist could hold such an ability? No way! I'm definitely the epitome of protagonists! 'A Certain Magical Index'? 'A Certain Scientific Railgun'? 'A Certain Scientific Accelerator'? Hah, these are all fucking preludes to the true main story! 'A Certain Godly Dark Matter'! Don't even put me in the same category as you! Read between the lines! It's not about that gluttonous encyclopedia of magical nonsense! It's not about 'Kamijou Touma' and his mysterious right hand! It's not about the Railgun and her girly little friends when they go on adventures and 'save the day'! And Accelerator? As a Protagonist? It's so funny I forgot to laugh when I saw he had his own manga serialized! I mean fuck you Kamachi! How the hell does that albino freak get a manga before me! I'm the true main character of this story! Not him, not Kamijou Touma, and certainly not useless Hamazura Shiage! It's me dammit! You guys just happen to have the luck to fall into my story! Be grateful you forgetful characters! Now don't you think it's time to end this incredibly long prelude! Kazuma Kamachiiiiii!"

_No good. He's completely lost it._

A gentle grab of his shoulder momentarily pulled Kakine from his destructive rage, " I get it. I understand why you're so upset right now. After all, I'm also Kakine Teitoku."

"You…"

"You're simply discontent with the lack of screen time you've had in the novels huh? Who wouldn't be after all you only two appearances you made you faced a crushing defea-!"

A Dark Matter fist forced it's way into Kakine's face, "And whose fault was it that I lost the second time you idiot!" The _nicer _Kakine was sent flying into the wall. "Ever since then, my popularity is slowly decreasing! I'm becoming just as relevant to the story as that damn nun!"

"That's not true, minor villain," The white haired girl spoke up once again. "See, when I looked up your name in G *le, It it also mentioned volleyballs and fridges!"

"That's it! Killing you both!"

"Just wait a minute." A new voice entered the scene. The three espers glanced over to see a tall man in a clean, black suit, calmly sitting in the destroyed bar. His only clear distinct feature was the crossbow mounted on his right arm. "So you're displeased with your status as a minor character huh? Can't say I blame you. But venting your anger like this, during a time of celebration no less isn't the way to go about it. We bring out a different part of a character or ever so slightly push the plot forward! We may even be critical during the final battle where all hope is lost. We must be ready to appear when the plot demands it and vanish when we're not required. Do you understand now? The importance of minor characters?"

"Who're you?" Kakine easily destroyed the tension and serious tone change with a single question.

"C-Can't you tell just by looking?" He motioned to the large crossbow on his forearm, "I'm Yamisaka Ouma! I tried to capture Index to gain access to the grimoires she has!"

…

"D-Did something like that actually happen?"

"Maybe in one of the side story volumes?"

"No no, I've read all the side stories and no character like him ever appears."

"I appeared in the main story! I even fought Kamijou Touma!"

"Ah! I got it! Aureolus Izzard right?"

"The Ars Magna guy? Didn't he have green hair?"

"Besides, doesn't this guy go by a different name? Yamisomething right?"

"It's Yamisaka Ouma!"

…

"Again, who the hell is that?"

Though it wasn't their intention, the three espers ultimately crushed Yamibobba Ouka's spirit.

"IT'S YAMISAKA OUMA!"

...Like I care...

**Daily Life of High School Espers(Ninjas and Super-Powers!)**

Hamazura Shiage and Hattori Hanzou sat on a bench enjoying the peaceful time away from their respectful 'dates'.

"Hey Hattori?"

"What's up"

"Why did you enter Academy City?"

"...Why're you bringing this up now?"

"Well I was just thinking most kids come here to gain some sort of cool super-power right? So I thought maybe you wanted to be a ninja like those in N#**to, You know, breathing fire and shooting lightning from your hands?"

"You're basing this assumption that I'm already some kind of ninja?"

"You aren't?"

"I never said I was."

"Hmmm? So you aren't a ninja?"

"I never said I wasn't."

"...Which one is it?"

"...Well regarding your question as to why I came to this city.."

_Don't change the subject!_

"I didn't enter Academy City to become an esper. I wanted to see the world that was different from what I've seen. I wanted to witness what kind of views this city might have for the future and beyond. That's why I'm here."

"...Hey Hanzou…"

"What Hamazura?"

"I get what your saying and I truly understand it but… Weren't you just curious?"

…

…

"What about you Hamazura? Why did you enter Academy City?"

_ Wait? I was actually right? Sorry Hanzou! I didn't know you were trying sound cool and mysterious!_

"Obviously I wanted to have cool super-powers! Like G%$ku! But!"

"But?"

"I'm a level 0! No powers whatsoever! And the classes don't even help! They talk about Quantum physics and Schrodinger's cat Theory like it's 1+1! Determining the proper calculations to use to levitate a 3g object 6ft in the air? How the hell is a Level 0 like me suppose to know?"

"You really thought it was an easy process to be an esper?"

"Of course I did! Any man with an imagination would have thoughts like that! Don't tell me you ninja's are so above the rest of the world you don't think about something amazing like super-powers!?"

"...Hamazura. You know don't you?"

…

"You already know…"

…

"You were suffering from hardcore Chuunibiyo!"

"...So what if I was! Is it so wrong to dream of being a superhero!"

…

"...I also.. Secretly wanted to be a cool guy like that…"

"Hattori?"

"Dark Blade… That was my name…"

"Blaze King.. is what I called myself…"

"Ehhh? So cool Hamazura."

"Thanks Takisubo."

…

…

"Hey Takisubo."

"What Hattori?"

"How long have you been listening?"

"Hmmmm? Since you said you weren't a ninja… Probably."

_SO YOU'VE BEEN HERE SINCE THE START!_

"Could you possibly forget this conversation ever happen?"

"Right, right. It's a request from the infamous Dark Blade, so you super have to forget it." A new and familiar voice rang in the conversation, much to the dismay of Hattori and Hamazura.

_What are you doing here? Kinuhata!_

"Of course the all powerful Blaze King is super-Pffft!" No longer able to keep a straight face, Kinuhata fell to her knees in a fit of laughter.

_No more please! Someone just let this end!_

"Don't fret Hamazura. I know a way out of this humiliating situation."

_Thank you very much! Hattori-sama! _"So What is it? Some kind of memory altering drug?"

"...Seppuku…"

_...That's a samurai ritual Hattori… But at this point… I don't even care…_

* * *

**A/N: And there you have it folks! Some good old shenanigans in the ToAru Universe! I really don't have much to say here other than I already have an outline for the next chapter of Anniversary and I'm slowly making progress on the next Rising Sun chapter for those who follow that. Again, Thank you all for your continued support and patience for me! I've even had a couple of people PM me asking if I was quitting. Not quitting, just a long hiatus. Can't promise it won't happen again but I'll do my best to keep updating my stories! Now here is the part where you can favorite the author or just the story, or leave some words of wisdom in a review, though I'm not asking for much, just a 'yeah that was pretty funny' or 'Dude, where's the humor? Has the humor tag but I'm not seeing it.' I may have an easily inflatable ego but it doesn't compare to Kakine's!  
**

**This is Sargent Crash!**

**Crashing Out!**


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